I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
