his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
