have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
