forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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