all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
