No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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