my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
