It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
