omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
