What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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