Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
