Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
