4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
