Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
