i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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