um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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