sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize