Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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