U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
