I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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