i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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