dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
