You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
