Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
