guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
