in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
