They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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