Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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