Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
