he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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