I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
