Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
