Cold hands, warm shart.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
