So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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