We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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