I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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