In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
