he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize