So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
