Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
