I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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