I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
