she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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