im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize