cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My hand turned me down
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
