I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize