so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
