I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
