The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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