i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
