we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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