Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My life is pants optional.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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