He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
