How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
