So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize