idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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