you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
