Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
