Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize