just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
