i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
