there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
