so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My vagina is very pro this idea
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