I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
