Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
