yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
