well most of my day revolves around power hour
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize