And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
