Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
