More tranny stories later!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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