And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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