Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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