My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
God, I missed his penis.
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