I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize