I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wear drunk well.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
