I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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