If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
as a side note pls kill me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
