omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
