I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
