The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
