Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize