Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
