When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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