***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
