The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I believe in your delicious
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
