Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
