just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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