Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
