And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
