Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
